so W knows about this blog. heh. hmm.. cool. haha, i dont mind keeping things this way.. as in not letting people know about this blog. afterall, i think that i would not blog until so openly if they know? hmm. blah. dont know what i talking about..
anyhow. been skipping gym for 2weeks now.. not good. all the fats piling up on my stomach [since when has it stopped piling up there? -.-] hais. sad sia. if only there's a swimming pool near my house.. then and again, if im really that keen, i would swim as long as i have the chance, no matter how far the distance. =] dont really like to swim on sundays cause very crowded. hais. sian!
was conferencing with N and YW at first yesterday night.. but initial plan was to conference with G and ZW. but was too bored. ended up calling N and YW. hahaha. chatted till 10 and YW have to go. cant remember the reason though =D hehe. continued chatting with N till dont know what time before asking K to call.. lols. he came and we crapped- lols. okae. not much crapping, considering that N was asking all the english words' meaning.. hahas! -_-" cant remember what happened, but it was quite funny. heheh..

N- hey, bj, great singapore sale here already hor?
me- yeah
N- you never go ah?
me- no money
N- yeah, but sale what.
me- no money!!! -_-"
N- orh

lols.
what the.. *_*
so sad, there's a sale and im still not able to afford to go shopping- just shows how broke im.. heh. and i still owe A money for my roxy shorts that i bought at a 70% discount. feel so pathetic sia..
arrgh..
hahas.

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 10:10 AM!

i like this week's myjellybean's article.
-->http://myjellybean.com/reader/reader.html
=]
check it out.

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 11:36 PM!

had chinese ssp today- it's the last one before our major exam which is happening on monday, 8.30am. scary.
bleaghs.
anyhow.. ms see let us off art today cause she wanted us to go home and study.. -_-" yeah.. but in the end i went to j8 with HF for food session =D hehe. missed lunch anyway.. had the usual crispy chicken with drink at the foodcourt. there was this stupid fly that landed in my drink- when it was still half cup full. damnit. it drowned. that should teach it not to land on drinks next time. humph.
one cup of drink ruined just like that.. darn.. =[ sat and chatted with HF about lotsa stuff. heheh.. quite cool.
we were both saying that this friendship may not last. lols. cause we just sort of got to know each other better? so it's considered as the 'honeymoon' period. any time after that is not for sure. cause the novelty of having a new friend to share your thoughts and laugh about guys with might wear off. but i sure hope that this friendship lasts. =]
hais. damn.
recent events has got me feeling up and down. but i guess that's life- full of sweet and bitter moments. it just seems to me that im experiencing more bitter moments than sweet ones. or maybe it's cause i dont know how to appreciate them.
hehh..
bleaghs.
wish to feel the intoxicating feel of being in love.
the natural high that comes with it.
and the smiles that would be brought to the face with that natural high.
but
wishes will always be wishes-
it will be icing on the cake if it comes true

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 9:52 PM!

the more one wishes and hope for something one wants
the more disappointed one will feel
one learns how not to expect too much.
to stop from feeling the same disappointment- time and again

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 10:04 PM!

why isit so, that when our heart's only an organ beating, to provide life to us- why is it so that we can feel it contracting when one feels the heart wrenching pain..? why is it that our throat closes up literally when we dont want to talk about something that's particularly sensitive, say a recent breakup?
think that somewhere, there should have researches conducted to these stuff.
lols.

check this out

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 1:24 PM!

went down to town yesterday for a round of pool. hahahs, quite hiliarious, i think. hahas. both me and W was 'off form' X_X lost to E quite a few times. hahahs =D all in good fun. but i think that if i were playing with guys or what, i would most likely sian dao. dont know why. hahs. more fun with girls. ^.^ hahhas. -_-"
yupps. got to know someone there. quite interesting. hahs. check out E's blog for slightly more details. hhaahahs.
all in all had a fun time.

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 11:48 AM!

E making her shoot

W and E zi lian-ing

the 2 ninja-s for the day

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 3:08 PM!

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 flying cockroaches
02 my imagination
03 my imagination

THREE MOST ABSURD THINGS MY FRIENDS ACCUSE OF ME:
01 being smart
02 nothing else
03 nothing else, i think

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 zhenwen
02 maria
03 n everyone else!

THREE PEOPLE I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:
01 everyone
02 everyone
03 everyone.

THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 being accused
02 having to do something i dont like
03 being reprimanded

THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 my handphone
02 computer
03 swimming

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 chemistry.
02 physics.
03 everything

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 yoghurt
02 handphone
03 book

THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 doing this survey.
02 listening to songs
03 chatting online

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 bungee jump
02 tour e world/ every possible place
03 everything

THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 laugh
02 cry
03 walk.

THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 fly.
02 be understanding and tolerant to some people
03 homework

THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 silence
02 ocean
03 jungle

THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 my mum.
02 my dad.
03 me.

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 haha.
02 what the fuck?!
03 wa lau, cheebye lah

THREE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 sushi
02 steak
03 laksa

THREE SHOWS I WATCHED WHEN I WERE A KID:
01 teletubbies
02 ai yo yo lao shi
03 batman returns

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 9:33 PM!

i have the habit of making my love life sound like a joke.
=]

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 11:25 PM!

stayed back in school with M today and tried to finish up some homework. it was a failure, considering the fact that i didnt manage to complete my english in the first place. -.-" lols. but at least i manage to do some. hmm. so was going through some chemistry notes [chem test on alcohol, carbolyxic acid, alkene, alkane]. as usual, me and M cursed all the scientists. especially those who gave multiple names to things that are the same [to us, that is. i know that nothing's ever the same in science terms. but then and again that's not the point]- eg carbolyxic acid and alkanoic something..
chicken nana.
i can never get all these straight in my head.. =[

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 11:15 PM!

what the fuck.
tell you my fucking handphone no fucking battery still say i hungup your call. cb. i in the freaking school doing my freaking homework when you called ok? and it just so happened that the phone ran out of battery. and of course when you're doing homework [and in school,] you wont go and notice such stuff right? yeah. that was how engrossed i was in my homework. obviously i would only call you when i got out of school and obviously the only way i was able to call from my phone was to have a fucking spare battery. cheebye. you dont know the phone from head to toe dont anyhow come and ask me why now full battery when i had said that my phone ran out of battery? knn.. make me damn pissed off can.
chicken nana stupid rambunana banana.
arrrgh.
think i purposely hangup your call meh? somemore i call you back after that. how fucking dumb if it was intentional? -.-
bloody hell.
AARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 8:19 PM!

feeling mightily pissed off at someone called 'mother' now. chicken nana.
dont talk to me about what i want like you are me and that you know everything that i want.
cause my list of wants can hit everyone around me til there's a gap of 10m in between. that's the amount of things i want. yeah. and i have no way of attaining them. except to cross them out and console myself with the fact that it's useless and that i dont need them or that i already have something similar at home. freaking crap.
i know that im relatively lucky cause M dont hover around me making sure that im doing my homework and send me to tuition just for the heck of it. neither does she sit around and talk about my grades with other gradesobssessed aunties. bloody hell. but somewhere in between, your brain went on overdrive and manufactured some weird things about me, like how dumb im. yeah. okae. so maybe not dumb. let's try lazy and unwilling to work for it.
hahas.
okae. yeah maybe that's true? but. may i add. im lazy and unwilling to work for something THAT I DONT BELIEVE IN. aka. the school itself.
aww.
so sad.
the school's the best that you can get. yupps. why am i so disgruntled with it?
maybe it's because of the way our school gives us encouragement by not giving us encouragement, aka 'you can do it', 'we believe in you'. instead they show us how well the other batch did it, how the previous batches did it. and says that with the 'new and improved' system we would be able to do even better. nevermind about us being unsupportive of the 'new and improved' system. hello. the first thing you need to do is to have our full support to ensure that the 'new and improved' system would work its wonders right? -.-
or maybe it's because they try to drown us in yesterday's supplementry lesson and asks why didnt we turn up for school today. like duh. we need time to recuperate from yesterday's onslaught of homework+supplementry class. mind you, it's class. not classes. not 2, not 4, but 1. '1 only complain until like shit for what?' yeah. precisely. cause it's 1 and we have to stay back till godknowswhattime..
arrrgh.
stupid school.

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 9:29 AM!

do you remember the first present to the guy that you liked?
i remember.
it was an op wallet. pathetic, yeah i know. but since it was quite a few years back hence it was before op went on to become some kinda brand like giordano.. and with it being a few years back, my recess allowance was, tehcnically speaking, lower. took quite a while for me to save the money.
on his birthday. i was extremely nervous. remembered how awkward i felt, going up to him presenting the 'present'. thank god a and n was there to pei me. yeah. couldnt even bring myself to look into his eyes. which is saying quite alot since we've been communicating well the last time we spoke.. hmm.

do you remember the first flower you received?
i remember.
and it has got nothing to do with love and boyfriend. hahas.
it came from N. on a bleak V.day. bleak cause its about to rain? i think. hahah. yeah. so. i was trying to shut myself from the people around me smiling and laughing as they received their flower from their friends. it's not that im jealous. lols. just that. well. since i know that im not going to receive any i might as well not feel sad about it? yeah. was on my way to recess when N saw me and passed me the flower. think that it was the last flower he was passing out to the people in Zh. that flower made my day. cause it was different from the flowers that 3e3 was selling. it's like the 'perfect' rose? hahas. the rose that i always draw it to be? heheh. dont know how to describe. but anyways. yeah. was happy. felt promiscious as i held it in one hand on my way home. *.* so that was my first flower. even though it wasnt that special cause 10 and a little more girls also received that rose.
yupps
shall go off now.
am getting irritated by my mother's nagging

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 10:26 PM!

was watching some jacky wu show on channel8 just now. the show that sorta features different genres of dance? eg, hiphop, pole dancing and.. dont know what. hahahs. forgot what's the third one. yeah anyway.
i find it quite funny that i never had much enthusiasim for pole dance. in the terms that i do not have the urge to pick up the skill. lols =D maybe its cause i dont find it much to 'fa hui' on. i see no attraction in climbing up the pole dangling a few metres off the ground while doing stunts and wondering if you would fall. hahas. to some people it's the adrenaline rush, i think. blah.
anyhow. i think that some of the dances there are crap lah, especially the ones supposedly doing hiphop dance.. they seem to have the standard dress code of bearing their midriff. some are nice, with abs and all. but some. goodness. it makes you want to cry hellelujah when you see a tee shirt. heheh. it's kind of expected that they want to look uniformed and all, but please, remember that just cause she's willing to bear some flesh doesnt mean that we as audiences are willing to look at her. X_X and it's kinda hard to choose what we look at when we are watching in front of the tv cause sometimes the perverted cameraman zooms in on that *** person. bless my eyes.
sheesh.
and that dance? do you call gyrating your hips to some 'hip' sounding song as dance? no.
NO!
dance. is made up of moves other that gyrating your hips. it's nice till the extent of getting guys look at your booty. but we cant possibly just look at you booty right? it's all about the whole package. -.-
bahh.

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 9:52 PM!

have been reading passages on education in china lately. dont know why the school have been pushing such passages on us. -_-" maybe it is to let us know how lucky we are.. heh. bloody hell. im tired of reading such passages- how they study from monring till night [literally], how talented they are, how focused on school work they are. how they would revise all by themselves without anyone pushing them..
bloody hell.
it's like trying to guilt us all into studying. like 'hey, they can do it, why cant you?' yeah. i know the logic.. but hello, if we really wanted to study, you dont even have to push us right?? i know how lucky we are. how some other kids in other country dont even have the chance to study when we've got the chance but we are throwing it all away. maybe it would do good to send us to other country, let us experience the life they have there and let us appreciate what we've got here.
but hell.
we know the whole story- spoilt kid sent to impoverished country, appreciates what he/she got here, come back reformed.
heck.
you dont even have to send us overseas to let us know how it's like.
maybe it's cause everything's provided for us. and that we dont have to fight to have our education..
hmm..
bleaghs.

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 11:12 AM!

wa lau. today's friendster horoscope scared me.

chicken nana.. -.-
hahas. no matter what that horoscope says. i dont believe that i would ever ever accept to meet up with someone that's supposed to be history with me, in the BGR department. but then and again, that bloody horoscope might be talking about platonic friends.. hahas. so yeah.
anyhows.. im stuck at home. was suppose to meet diana for something. but both tricia and alicia cant make it.. so think next time bahs.. =\
sianned.
think either i would be going out to catch M.I.3[alone] or to play pool with sean- the swatch guy.
hahas, met him under quite strange situation.
was at J8's swatch shop with zw, looking for my watch. the shopkeeper there at that time was a girl and we started chatting then her collegue [sean] came in from buying food. hence we 4 start chatting. since it was the girl's last day there, we stayed in contact with sean. lols. so yeah. quite interesting lah. =]

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 11:31 AM!

once again, am wondering about relationships..
i dont know if it's just me or is it the effect of reading too much romance stories. i dont know why im such a sucker for them. maybe it's because my relationships so far are far from the happy kinds that one read about in storybooks. the one where the guy and the girl meets, sparks fly, fall in love, argue, makeup and finally live happily ever after. hahas. it's nice. reading's nice. it's a place where one can escape into an alternate dimension. it's safe. cause you know that the story's going to end with everyone more or less happy. unlike in real life where things rarely go our way..
blahh..
okae.
i know i had the second chance in relationship but i chose to gave it up. i would wonder if we would still be together if i hadnt insisted on breaking things off..? would i be happily spending my days with him? or would it be a chore?
why is it that i always seem to want so much more. or that when ive got the chance to get what i previously wanted, i would push it away? and sometimes curse or praise myself for doing that [depending on the situation]..?
hahh

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 9:51 PM!

have been waking up this past few days with my throat sore and dying for a drink.. now my throat's starting to hurt a little.. think that im going to be sick soon. maybe it's cause of my diet? nah.. dont think so.. or maybe cause the one up there decide to make N's wish of me being sick come true?
what a sick and perverted one that one up there is then. -.-
lols.
anyways. am trying to complete some stuff now. eg chi compo. but am not making much headstart with this damn computer in front of me and a storybook within reaching distance [just 5cm away]. damn man. the house's full of temptations.. how to study like that??!
..
bleaghs.
okae.. shall go do my homework
bye

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 5:59 PM!

10th Grade
*************
As I sat there in english class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called 'best friend'. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before. I handed them to her. She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I dont know why.

11th Grade
**************
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one drew barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I dont know why.

Senior year
**************
The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said,"he's not gonna go" well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together-just as 'best friends'. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said- "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.


A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angle up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine-but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as i hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said- 'you're my best friend, thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say 'I do' and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said 'you came!'. She said 'thanks' and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy and late enough, and I don't know why.

Years passed
**************
I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: "I stare at him wishing he was mine; but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me."

'I wish I did too...' I thought to my self, and i cried.

My friends, do yourself a favor, when you love somebody tell her/him that you love them. They won't be there forever.

damn. stories like this always get me.
freaking hell.
hais. why isit so that when we choose to make a certain decision, it ends up being the wrong decision most of the time? especially in BGR terms. especially when the girl confesses to the guy. and got rejection instead. or vice versa.
there are times when either the girl or the guy confess and the opposite party accepts... that's nice isnt it?
hahas.
but the sad truth is that it just doesnt happen all the time.. afterall.. you cant always have what you want. can you imagine if you always get what you want? then people like Hitler would continue their destruction on the world. maybe Jews would be totally annihilated. maybe the world would be populated entirely by Germans themselves? maybe. then, speaking on personal terms. some friendship would never happen. cause sometimes, you may start out disliking each other and wish that you would never be friends. but ended up that you two become great friends. imagine if you had gotten what you want. you would lose a friend in your life. maybe the impact she made in your life is not that great. but still, an impact is still an impact and would have its impression. your character may be different. maybe your friend has helped you through difficult times, when things are down and it's hard to look up. imagine if that person isnt there.
bahh..

think am going to start letting people know about the existence of this blog.. =]
hope that human traffic would be controlled. so that i dont have to waste online space by opening blog after blog just so i can type without the feeling of not being able to just say what i want cause there's the need to censor some of my thoughts due to the people reading at the other end..

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 8:34 PM!

you know what?
im most afraid of anything turning stale. especially in relationship terms. im afraid of it losing that spark that keep things alive. very much admire those old folks who are able to keep it going after all those years..
researchers always say that in a successful relationship, things that partners do for each other often continue even if it's been years. as in romance should continue into marriage. like, dont think that just cause you're married then you dont have to please your partner cause he/she is in love with you [if not you guys wouldnt be married in the first place]. so usually they would recommend bringing the romance on forward even if you're married. i think that it goes the same to a couple too. as in when a guy is wooing a girl, he would usually do stuff for her?? yeah. then if the girl is moved by his actions and stuff and accepts to be his girlfriend, he shouldnt stop doing that, if not the girl would wonder if she had made the wrong choice in saying yes and if he is getting bored. so you see, it's important to make your partner happy when in a relationship. afterall, a happy partner would give less problems and this would result in a happier relationship. =]
anyway.
i think that most guys would flatter the girl with lots of stuff when wooing but these presents would gradually become less and less when they got accepted? lols. maybe that's not true. but then and again, im talking about guys who are not financially independent and their source of money comes from their own savings.. think that they would have to strategise. dont be so intent on blowing the girl away with big forever friends teddy bears and stuff beforehand. remember that the money would have to last on till you guys go steady. and when you guys go steady there's still the one month and stuff.. so there's a need to plan and not spend too much money at the beginning. sounds abit crude to describe a relationship like that, but think of it as an investment.. you're still not sure about the outcome. so.. gradually sink in the money. dont sink it all at one go.. [some people might say heck, but hell, that's your decision!]
anyway it's the thought that counts when it comes to giving gifts ;D hahas. as in, a handmade gift from the guy [especially if it's handicraft -dont do hearts, kinda common?- eg. papercranes or what. cause girls seem to have the impression that guys are inept at handcraft. lols.] so. impress her that way. besides, it's cheaper [i believe] to get some paper and a nice glass bottle. heheh..
=D
that's just what i think lah..
if not enough just throw in a pack of 3 ferraro roche.. 3 for the 3 words [ilu].
alternately a flower would do [special one in your heart]
heheh.
afterall it's the thought that counts.
;]
lols.
hope that this would be useful.
but hell, who would read this since nobody knows about this blog's existence in the first place?? bah.. haha. have a morbid fear that i wont be able to type so freely if i know that someone is reading it. cause some of the posts are very personal.. not what i would say to a friend or foe face to face.. =oh wells.
dinner.
=]

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 7:41 PM!

sometimes certain things in life just makes me want to believe that true love and stuff like that does exist. but that feeling only happens after i watched an episode of wang zi bian qing wa, which is full of romance. the sweet kind. the kind that would give one warmth even on a cold day, like hot chocolate. unlike hot chocolate, one can go back and taste it again and again cause memories are something that is a part of us. something that we would remember for lives. how the wind felt on your skin, and the likes. memories are always there. never failing.. that is, until you get amnesia.
actually i have no objection to getting amnesia. i would look upon it as some kind of adventure. but it needs the right people to make it a fun and fulfilling adventure. lols. imagine if you meet a cheat or a pervert when one got amnesia. that's terrible. who knows what would happen to you? scary.
anyhow. erm. yeah. wang zi bian qing wa. so. after i watch that show i would feel very happy. then i would think of my past experiences. and there goes the feeling. it makes me feel as though im like an alien. cause everyone seems to be able to experience it. except for me? okae. maybe not. i think that the problem with me is that i want so much. yet im not willing to work for it. in this case, ive got to open to my true emotions. somehow in one way or another i would always keep my emotions bottled up. no. i would still keep a part of my emotions with me. sorry to zhen wen and maria. it is true that i feel what i feel, but i think that there is always a part of my feelings that i would keep inside, no matter how much ive expressed my feelings or comments over it.. i dont know why.. shall think about it, i guess. yeah.. so.
i swear. that in my next relationship. if and when i happen to want or be in one. i would and i will do my best to give my all and dont care about the consequences.
i swear. that i wont think about it ending.
i swear that i would do my darnest to ensure that nothing that happened in my past couple of relationships.
i swear.

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 3:22 PM!

this is from the show wang zi bian qing wa. a part that was cut out from the ones screened here in singapore. dont ask me why. doesnt make any sense cause there's nothing vulgar or what about it. positively sweet, actually.



eh. which guy would describe their girlfriend in this manner? sheesh..
anyways.. whenever i watch this movie and there's the scenes of dang-ou doing something sweet for tian yu, it gives me a nice warm fuzzy feeling inside.. very nice. makes you want to believe that love DOES exist. but reality comes crashing down and you know that it's not true..
well, at least for me anyway..
i think that xiao qiao's character died in the taiwan series??
take a look at this-


verdict?

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 1:51 PM!

am going to sleep now. it wasnt my intention to ton actually. i just got carried away doing some stuff.
sometimes i question myself about some stuff that i do. one of the more obvious ones would be me having both a diary and a blog which i update regularly? i mean. a blog by right is to be an online diary. diary meaning that we can write whatever what we want there and online meaning people can read whatever shit one writes. but that means that we cant have too private thoughts- unless you like having people know what one ate for lunch and what colour was your shit today and the what nots?- broadcasted online. which would then make having a diary sensible, so to say. but then. in your diary, everything is possible, as in everything and anything could be written there. so there's no need for a blog then cause it would simply be too troublesome. yet i still keep both a blog and a diary. why?!
-_-"
yeah.
precisely.
why?





luo zhi xiang's cute. really admire his dance moves. would give anything to move like that. so sad that our school got no modern dance to help people in our school interested in such dance a place to stretch their talents. talk about irony [our school would help a child develop his or her full potential]. how can a person be stretched to his or her fullest potential without the proper means?
weird.

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 5:50 AM!

yeah man!
look at that blank tagboard. lols.
hmm
actually.
i dont think that anybody would tag. just leave it there bah, cause. hmm. if i use back the old tagboard. i wouldnt know which blog they visit what.. lols.
hmm.
anyways..
am wondering.
why isit so that some guys list the characteristic they want in their girls is 'ting hua'? i think that that happens to MCPs only.
yeah.. think i shall go and ask around. see if guys would go by feelings or by their criterias? hahas :D

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 1:51 AM!

one eww result.

beijia -- [noun]: A lewd street performer 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

this is better

jes -- [adjective]: Fuzzy to the touch 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

hey, thanks. i think that this is me at e best =]

ava -- [noun]: A level headed person who always makes the wrong decision 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 1:37 AM!

You're looking for a Best Friend


What Are You Looking for in a Relationship?

Brought to you by Tickle




It looks like your romantic fantasy is the Romp on the Beach


What's Your Romantic Fantasy?

Brought to you by Tickle

Caution is your middle name. In fact, we think it's safe to say that you're a Shy Flirt. It's a rare evening that you bat your eyes or approach attractive strangers. It's cool if someone comes to you, but you hardly ever muster up the courage to make the first move. Maybe it's because you're afraid of embarrassing yourself. Of course it's totally understandable to be scared of putting yourself on the line. But trust us, flirting is fun! Don't let fear get in the way of getting what you want. It might be healthy for you to stretch your comfort limits a little and try something new. Be playful — reach out and touch someone. A lingering hand on the arm can say it all.

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 3:50 PM!

damnit man.
i KNOW that once he knows about the breakup my rep would go down the drain.
so i would be known as 'the bad girl'. the girl who broke the guy's heart through her [selfish] actions.
ive geared myself up for it.
but damn man!
ive got my own reasons okae? for some strange reasons it isnt working out like i thought that it would at the start? maybe i got caught up with the novelty of having someone who's looking out for me instead of me doing the looking out. and when it wear off.. admittedly, i didnt really think it through. those who had gone through a relationship should know how easy it is to fall into another relationship, a rebound relationship. guess i shouldve opened my eyes wider. and then i would be able to see why isnt he the one for me instead of trying to convince myself he is the one just cause he can make me laugh and stuff. damnit.
i dont like to hurt people. you think that im some kind of perverse creature gets her joy seeing others hurt? freaking hell, that's CHEAP THRILL! sorry but ive got better things to find joy with. besides. i know how destructive [for a lack of better term] it is a breakup can be. especially when one had invested both time and money in it. i know cause ive went through it. but what good does it do? i ended things cause i dont want to 'string him along', so to say, letting him think that there is a chance to save the relationship when i know that my heart is already unwilling. im sorry but i dont self-psycho. im just that intolerant. anyhow. it didnt do any good. cause i still ended up hurting him cause he thinks that it's his fault.
i feel like screaming at him to open his eyes. and wake up. it's NOT HIS FAULT!! how many times must i say?? IT"S ME! happy?
this whole thing is driving me insane.
sometimes i think that there's nothing wrong with doing/standing up for what you think is right. but it so happens that everytime people would think that the best option would be the opposite of what one had taken. and that would be when people would go insane wondering if they had taken the right option.
i think im unable to reciprocrate the love shown to me by the other party. i both welcome and reject it. but it so happens that i reject it often. in BGR terms, i would like to reciprocrate it. but i guess because of my last relationship that's why my heart's so guarded. perhaps im afraid that if i open up and bare my heart and give my all in the relationship [not talking physically but mentally] but in the end the other party still choose to leave me- im sure that i couldnt bear it..
relationship is all about trust. youve got to trust the other person not to leave you. guess i dont have the courage to fully trust the other person. afterall, i keep one part of my heart locked away with ice surrounding it to prevent it from feeling anything. hence ensuring that i wouldnt ever be hurt.
enthnically wrong. but to me it's a survival thing. i cant bear the pain if someone important in my life were to leave me [even if i had mental preparation for it]..again.
maybe one day when you go through it you would understand how i feel.
just maybe.

quite unfair it actually is that he always gives his all in relationship but ends up getting hurt in the end. i know that all the sorrys in the world couldnt make up for it.. if there's one thing i can do, i would reverse the time and stop it from happening.
but if it didnt happen, i dont think that i would learn so much about myself.
eg my low tolerance level and my incapabilty to selfpsycho.

the world is a place of cause and effect.
events happen that change and shape our lives and character.
what that doesnt kill you just makes you stronger afterall

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 8:00 PM!

'dont you dare let me touch her desk', you said. though there wasnt much anger in your voice, i still can tell that you really mean what you say and it's not in jest. maybe it's because i think too much. or maybe it's becase we've shared 4years of friendship. no. make that 1. cause we were really really good friends for one year. secondary one. do you still remember? or has that period of your life been banished to the back of your memory? do you still remember how you used to buy Mars bar for me so that i can snack on it during recess? do you recall how we were 'twins' in the family tree cause we were THAT close? and how i can tell what you are thinking at times? maybe it's just me and not you. but still. that was when we were in secondary one. drifted apart in secondary2. back to friends in secondary3 after i broke up with him. even though you werent there when i was going through some rough patches, the fact that we were still on talking terms make my days more bearable. and now in secondary4, we've drifted apart again. probably cause ive changed. or maybe cause i suddenly saw you for who you really are..
i admire you cause you would stand up for what you think is right. can say that you are/were matured [in my eyes]. but now. after that i dont know if i can ever view you in the same light.. either way hope that i would be able to forget about that incident. afterall, this is our last year. and i dont want to lose a 4year friendship just because im not willing to overlook some minor stuff.
seems to me that im thinking too much..?
hehh.
maybe.
upbeat music's streaming out of the stereo now.
listening to upbeat music's suppose to lift the mood.
but somehow, it's not working. feel as though there's a weight resting on my shoulders..

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 9:27 PM!

went out with tricia and alicia today. lols. met at the grand time of 9am at j8's mac [but someone was late. lets overlook the fact] and had our breakfast. did our homework too, lols. but cant really concentrate. think i would do a better job at home =] lols. okae yeah.. so after that went down to suntec. had made up my mind about getting the adidas jacket today- but discovered that they dont have the colour that i wanted!! what the fuck??! -_-" so went down to plaza singapura there.. lols. had a quick bite and got on our way. down down down to orchard.. yeah. basically the main point is that after searching all the adidas shop that i know of, i STILL CANT find the jacket that i wanted. in the end i went to the stussy store and got a PAUL FRANK jacket. hehehe. white. not the most practical. but the yellow one which is like is like a coat. no zip.. quite troublesome. so i settled for the next best, which is the white. still, i love it loads. ^.^ am sastified with the purchase today. ^.^ let it serve me in many years to come. and make it worth $1 per wear after wearing it for 99times- which is a long way to go.

& a LIFELONG oath of rebellion. 8:44 PM!

just me.

DESIGNER: LEIQUITRE
IMAGE: random models.
Drew Flaherty
(used with permission)
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